Really emotionally secure people don't assume things have to go well. Neither do they assume that something is bound to be 'a disaster' So what's their secret?
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Here's a thought I think you'll find helpful. You don't have to think about believing in yourself when you do believe in yourself and you don't have to try to be positive when you are positive.
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Ever heard of the 'Bannister Effect'? Before 6 May 1954, it was thought 'impossible' to run a mile under four minutes...
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Does someone keep criticising you? Relentless criticism wears you down and if you've been prone to low self esteem then you may have found yourself internally agreeing with the critic.
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Never give up! Determination and perseverance make for more successful and ultimately happier lives.
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Have you ever felt you didn't 'deserve' success? You didn't feel able to 'push yourself forward' in life?
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"If you don't make mistakes you don't make anything"
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Here's a question: What does 'success' mean to you? If it fits with what other people assume is 'successful' then that's fine..but maybe it doesn't and that needs to be fine too...
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Low self esteem cons you into feeling like you are 'a failure'. But to be 'a success' we need to get beyond simplistic notions of 'success' or 'failure'.
Why?
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Do you sometimes fear failure too much to even try things? Fear of failure is closely linked to fear of rejection and the dread of being thought poorly of.
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So we've talked quite a bit about the risks of being too nice.
So what are we to make of it all? Well, if we are not to be taken advantage of at work or in relationships, becoming more assertive will help.
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Last time we saw how the snake had made life difficult for itself by becoming too nice. This time I want to look at how people respond to too much niceness.
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The snake was vicious, snarling, and dangerous. He terrified the villagers, biting the children and scaring all the adults. But sometimes he felt lonely and craved companionship.
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Consider this...
If you were delivering life-saving mouth-to-mouth on someone in public, you'd be totally focussed.
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Do you remember my client John from a few podcasts back? Who couldn't bring himself to pursue his dream of opening a small hotel in Spain because of what people might think?
Listen on to find out what happened.
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People say "be yourself" don't they? But they never say how.
Firstly, remember it's human to mimic other humans...
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'We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.'
- Ethel Barrett
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The imagination is a wonderful thing. Except when it's not.
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Have you noticed that some people use disapproval as a weapon?
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I've noticed that people who are overly concerned with approval assume that other people will think them 'a terrible person' or 'a loser' if they say or do something that isn't somehow right...
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Peer pressure can make us go against what we truly know to be decent and civilized behaviour.
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You may have spotted this, but anxiously seeking approval is often an attempt at trying to gain and keep a sense of control.
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Constantly seeking approval means we're perpetually worried that others are forming a bad opinion of us.
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Some approval seeking is inevitable of course - after all, we all need friends.
But if we are led through life doing what we've come to believe is 'expected of us', then, in a way, we cease to exist, to live, and be real.
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'Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?' - Brigham Young.
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